Forgetting I'd Heard It Before

After one of those nights were everything sucks and you feel emotionally drained due to the weight of everything I couldn't get this song out of my head that I am helping a friend write. It is based out of Romans 8. I have read Romans 8 many times throughout my life I am sure. I have heard the scriptures in Romans 8 probably A MILLION times. So I went and looked up the verses the song is based off of in the message translation and tried to read them as if I had never heard them before...as if this was the first time I had ever seen these words:

26-28Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

29-30God knew what he was doing from the very beginning. He decided from the outset to shape the lives of those who love him along the same lines as the life of his Son. The Son stands first in the line of humanity he restored. We see the original and intended shape of our lives there in him. After God made that decision of what his children should be like, he followed it up by calling people by name. After he called them by name, he set them on a solid basis with himself. And then, after getting them established, he stayed with them to the end, gloriously completing what he had begun.

31-39So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn't gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God's chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ's love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture:

They kill us in cold blood because they hate you.
We're sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one.
None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.

After I read that I cried.

Don't worry, you don't have to.

Facebook

For many a moon I determined not to fall into the facebook craze. Now I know that every man falls. I could talk about all the negatives to facebook, but we all know them deep in our hearts...so I'll reach to the positive:

FB reminds me of a blessed life that I have been able to lead. People told me I should get FB to keep up with old friends, but honestly I won't be keeping up with these people. I communicate with current friends around my area via FB. The greatest thing though is just being able to see these people's names and faces that I have not seen for years.

I'm reminded of small moments in high school where a girl named Brooke was so nice to me being the new kid in school for no other reason but that she is just nice to everybody.

I'm reminded of the summers that I was on staff for World Changers and small things like being at training and watching ludacris music videos w/ one of the tech guys. And I see one of the guys that was one of the other music leaders and now is in Iraq and his FB status is "I can't wait to get home"...I know that guy, or I did for a time. And though we haven't talked in over a year I still feel his heart and sympathize with him because I know the kind of guy he is.

Or random people I have met doing a weekend thing at some church somewhere and it reminds me of my story and how blessed I am to be able to ever do any of the stuff I have done over the last 6 years.

I'm trying to become more aware of the beauty of the moments that I live in. I once heard a very very bad preacher say something very good that stuck with me..."you only live in a moment called now".

I don't know how long I'll be able to do the things that I have the opportunity of doing right now. Making music, my friends, where I live could all change drastically in the next 6 years so I'm trying to be more encouraging and more understanding and more patient. I'm definitely failing at the patient thing right now because these spanish jehovahs witness people keep knocking on my door every week and I'm almost over it.

Thank you FB.

My Story

I grew up in in church my entire life. My mom and dad were divorced at some point while my mom was pregnant with me. Somehow they have always had a descent relationship as long as I can remember. When I was 1 year old my mom remarried and I lived with them growing up and saw my dad every other weekend. I have always had a great relationship with my dad and also my stepdad helped raise me so it was kind of like having 2 dads. My dad also remarried when I was 4 and I have two siblings w/ them that I consider to be just like real sister and brother.

When I was a sophomore in high school my mom and stepdad split up after being married for 15 years. I was always a very shy and quiet kid and kind of internalized how I dealt with everything. My mom and stepdad were always extremely involved in church and taught high school sunday school together and all of that stuff. I was kind of pissed at God because I felt like we did everything Christian we were supposed to and this still happened to us. But we all still kept going to church as if nothing was really wrong.

My mom and I lived together in an apartment for a couple of years as I ended high school. I switched to University HS middle of my junior year for a lot of reasons, but mainly for some type of change. Around my junior year I began to teach myself how to play the guitar. At our youth group worship was being led by these silly music tracks and our awkward youth pastor and I felt like I was supposed to help the situation.

All I really did was sit around and learn worship songs on the guitar and when I was 17 I started leading worship at my youth group having no real idea what I was doing. Aaron played with me then too.

I went on a mission trip called World Changers after my junior year and in the midst of still not liking Jesus very much I felt some type of call to ministry. I am still not sure exactly what that entails because I think all of us are called into ministry as Christians, but for some reason I feel like I am gifted with certain things that maybe makes it possible for me to be in leadership of some sort. And remember I was so shy and could barely talk to anybody.

I believe that God put the guitar in my hands to break out of that shell and be able to communicate with people and to be able to better love people. After my senior year of high school I was able to work in the summers for the World Changers camp as worship leader and last summer I was able to speak at a couple of the camps. I don't say that to try to impress people, but if you only knew how shy I was and how much I didn't really trust in Jesus when I felt a call to do something in ministry...it blows my mind still.

My mom remarried when I was away at the missions camp my first summer after graduating. When I came back I moved in w/ my grandma for a while. Right at the time that I had decided I was going to stop worrying about dating people because it seemed like nobody would fit my complex life and personality...I met Brittany a little over 3 years ago. I believe that Brittany is the greatest person that I have ever met and I am blessed to be able to know her so well. I would recommend that everyone get to know her because they will be tremendously blessed by someone who loves people very well and is a true friend. This past summer we both got to intern at a church up in Maryland all summer and it was beautiful. At the end of the summer on August 8th I proposed to her and we left Maryland a few days later to come back and celebrate with our family here.

On August 15th we found out that my mom had a mass in her body the size of a tennis ball. A rare type of cancer of the adrenal gland that nobody knows much about, but the statistics aren't good. Doctors here wouldn't do the surgery b/c they thought it too dangerous. On September 12th my mom had surgery in Arizona by a small group of doctors who studied the cancer. The tumor had worked its way through many of her veins and somehow by a miracle they were able to get all of the tumor out that day.

She has been on chemo since then pretty hard core. I was speaking at a church back in December and my mom found out that it looked like there was a spot on her liver and was pretty shaken up. They did an ultrasound that week and told her that it turned out to be nothing and to have a good holiday season.

Now the catscan has revealed the spot was something and it has tripled in size since Dec. There are also spots on her lungs and a couple of other places. She cannot get the treatment here but will have to choose from either TX, AZ, or SC and travel there for a week at a time to get the specific chemo treatments. The news is not good.

Her main concern is not ruining the wedding, although that obviously is the last of worries right now. Her husband is not taking it well and is so scared and I don't think he knows how to deal with it. My mom has consistently been positive through this and has shown me the face of Jesus.

I am supposed to be the strong one through all of this for my mom. I will always remember being in the doctors office when they told her she had cancer and it was very serious in a very late stage. I remember the numbness waiting in the hospital for the doctors to tell us if they were able to get all of the tumor. I remember my mom hugging me and crying telling me how scared she is. I know what its like to lead in worship and barely be able to get out the words, "And right now in the good times and bad you are on your throne...you are God alone."

I write this more for myself than anything. I write this so that others can get maybe a more honest glimpse into my life. I don't write this for anyone to feel sorry for me, but rather asking you to pray for my mom. She is a sweet lady and through all of this has shown her co-workers, her friends, strangers, and her family a glimpse of the heart and love of Jesus.

Writing helps me deal with things. If you are reading this please understand with as much sincerity as I can offer, I'm just trying to be real and honest. I don't ever want people to think anything better of me because God has allowed me to stand in front of people and lead worship or teach what the bible says.

Psalms 119:129 "Your testimonies are wonderful; Therefore my soul keeps them."

I look back and at the moments when I am barely able to hold on...His grip has never weakened.

First Reset

Just to let everybody know in case they were interested:

1. The people I play music with @ Reset are absolutely incredible.

2. On Wednesday I am moving into the apartment that my future wife and I will be living in.

3. I have grown to hate animals in the house...which is surprising to myself because I grew up with a dog that I loved.

4. Now that I have slept on a feather pillow the last couple of years everything else hurts my neck

Reset

Reset will be starting @ FBC Orlando Feb. 24th.

If you want more info just look up www.resetorlando.com

Hope to see you there.

Things I Will Miss

So last Sunday was my last day working for my former church. I don't like the word former...it seems negative. And the word "old" sounds old. How about this *by the way I did start this blog with the word "so" I just forgot the .......... that ran through my mind before I kept typing*

Last Sunday was my last day on staff at Eastpoint Fellowship.
(That sounds good)

I thought about it and I have been involved working and getting paid by a church or some religious organization consistently for the last 6 years almost. I think that what most people that haven't worked at a church don't understand as much as those that have is that it is still a job. You still have your good days and your bad...your ups and downs. There are times when you love your job and think there is nothing you would rather do and wish you could do it forever and a day. And then there are times when you hate your job and you hate the people you have to deal with and the stupid hoops you have to jump through. Every pastor ever has felt these emotions if they have been at a place for at least 1 year or maybe even 6 months. Nobody really talks about it though because that might look like we don't love well or our hearts aren't big enough or whatever.

Just like I cannot read into your life and your job and your growth as a person...you will never understand what it was like for me to work at Eastpoint. In a great and positive way I was stretched to my limits and forced to grow up and take on responsibility that I had not seen before and that I was not always sure that I could handle.

In the same way that you know in your heart that it is time to move to another company or to alter how you interact with certain people or how to improve on your relationships and it is just a matter of doing it...I knew that it was my time to leave Eastpoint. And there is nothing negative about it. I believe that I left Eastpoint at the time when the church was the strongest and on the verge of something bigger than anybody on staff could truly comprehend. The excitement and love and energy of a group of people is now at it's highest in the community of Eastpoint.

That isn't when you are supposed to leave though right?

I believe in our hearts God whispers truth in the clearest voice even when it doesn't really make a lot of sense or it doesn't look like the best career move or whatever.

But we know what we are supposed to do.

Now to the topic at hand. There are some things that I won't miss, but today it hit me some of the things I will miss.

I will miss the old people. From my beginning as a 19 year old leading worship there the people over the age of around 55 were the most encouraging and loving and supporting of me on a consistent basis. Before I started I feared that we would have nothing in common...musically or socially. But I found the gentleness and patience of the Father in their eyes and their hearts as week after week they have hugged me and given me words of wisdom and encouragement. Sometimes they smell funny. On occasion I thought that I had done something that had really touched their hearts and I saw them tearing up as they talked to me...only to realize later that it might be glaucoma."

"Why are you crying mam?"

"Whaat?

"Are you ok...why are you crying?"

"Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

"Never mind...thats ooze. See you next week."

Funny, but I will really miss them. I have grown to love them dearly.

I will miss people like Michael Barton. I still have memories as a little kid seeing his basketball card collection and talking about how amazing Jordan was. He would come up to me pretty much every week after service and chit chat for a little. No matter if we talked Gators or how my mom was doing I felt so comfortable and knew he was supportive of me. One time him and a man named Antonio knew that I wanted to know this wall out on stage that was taking up wasted room and they did took it upon themselves to do it and do a great job. They weren't looking for recognition. They just wanted to help out. That meant more to me than anybody can ever know.

I will miss people like Charlie Fish. He is seriously one of the nicest guys and most willing to help I have ever met. He does so much for the church that nobody knows about and he does it so well. Such a blessing to the staff and he probably doesn't realize it.

I'll miss hanging out with the little kids in the nursery during the 2nd service and holding the babies.

I'll miss waking up at 6:30am every sunday with a great attitude and having to warm my voice up from the moment I get out of bed to my blinding drive east so I can hit the notes on "Famous One". Just kidding. I'll never miss that.

This is way too long. But it is starting to sink in a little bit. I love the people at Eastpoint and will miss being a part of that church...but I am excited about joining Jesus' work in another section of orlando for a more focused age group.

Why I Hate/Love Political Season

This time of season brings out what people really care about. They tell you what is important in an election and that is who they will vote for...blah blah blah.

The reason that I hate listening to conservative radio talk show hosts like Rush and Sean Hannity is because they are GREAT manipulators, but rarely ever allow for the truth to come out. If you watch any interview or listen to any on the radio from the Hannity guy he does not allow opposing views the chance to speak their point of view. 5 years ago I liked him. Now he has turned into a total ass like Bill Oreily.

One thing that you always hear from these guys is how we need a "Reagan" President. One of the highlights of this that I always hear mentioned is a president who loves and believes in God.

So when Obama first began to run way back in the day you had all of these stupid emails being forwarded around about how he was an extreme muslim and terrorist basically. That he hated God/Jesus and would lead our country "astray" because Muslims hate America. By the way if you ever forward me anything I will block you from emailing me forever. If someone spent 5 minutes of research on their own instead of listening to these idiot radio hosts you would know that this is not even close to true.

So now we are looking like there is a strong possibility that Romney could win the nomination for the Repubs. But what do you hear nothing about??? That he is a mormon. So the mormon religion does not exactly believe God/Jesus thing the way Protestant or Catholics do. Kind of like the Muslims don't exactly believe the God/Jesus thing. If you find any emails about how Romney is going to ruin this nation because of his religion you can forward those to me. Probably not that many out there. Because the belief in God/Jesus to the conservative voters really never was as important as they made it out to be. If it was than HuckleChuckle would have dominated. The conservative voter just wants a conservative...mormon or whatever. It's close enough to Christianity right???

The final point that I would make is that I would never vote for anybody based on what religion they claim and neither should you. I am not going to take my car to a "christian mechanic" or have my home built by a "christian construction company" simply because they are christians. I want the best job on my car or my house or leading the country done by someone who can do the job the best...muslim, mormon, christian, athiest. Yes I am sure that there are some policies that could be influenced by a person's religious beliefs, but they are not going to dominate politics.

Therefore, Christians it's ok to side with Romney if you want to and not be afraid or worried about the mormon thing. Just don't start spouting off about how all Muslims want to kill all of us if its Obama and Romney in the finale. Because then I will have to make the strong case that mormons hate Jesus. Of course neither of those are true.

Obama is my guy. Religion or even political party does not matter. On the issues and as far as his character I say he is the one person that makes me the most comfortable. Its ok if you don't agree. I'm voting for a terroritst.