Thinking

So I have been living on my own for a couple of months now. This means that when I am home I don't have to worry about 5 other people and 2 dogs. I don't have cable or even regular channel television and for the first time in a while I am able to relax and think. I am able to process life and my relation to it. And it has been so good.

I am able to sit and in the quietness allow my mind to think and not be distracted by much of anything. My mind usually thinks of three things I have noticed.

1. People

2. Music

3. Jesus

I have plenty of time after getting off work late to wind down and dwell on the beauty of the people that I am blessed to know and also I have time to think about how much I dislike certain people...but graciously God allows me to realize that there are a lot more people that I love.

I dwell on the beauty of getting married in two weeks. My appreciation has grown for Brittany as I am surrounded by the truth of love and the depth of our relationship as I sit and think. I can think of all the things wrong with me and how people can have very valid reasons that they don't like me and Brittany knows all of these things and in them loves me in a way that only Jesus can facilitate.

I think of the greatness of the friendships that I share with people who I understand are so much more valuable than the average person could see. I have this gift of being able to see things about people that I feel like Jesus sees and many miss. I think about those things in my friends and how God uses their gifts to reach into my life and show me His heart. And I am amazed and blessed to know these people and even more so be able to call them friends.

I understand the value of a family that actually loves me deeply...and I think.

Music has this way of reaching into your heart and soul like nothing else. It affects me greatly and for some reason I am allowed to have some musical ability. I listen and I watch youtube videos of performances and I smile because it soothes. I have time to write and to work on songs that come from my heart and I don't have to worry about waking up the family. I can sit and worship like I need to alone and with a free mind.

I have tried to run away from music since I fell in love with it as a child and for the first time I am allowing myself to completely embrace it and go with it and it is impacting my life in ways that are hard to describe. I dream of ways that my music can comfort others. I wonder what could happen if I continue to embrace this gift that Jesus has given me. Not that I wonder about becoming famous or being well known. I wonder could my songs impact others to where they smile or cry or worship at the end of a day...I wonder.

And in the process of all of these thoughts Jesus is continually there and He becomes more clear when I sit and just think about this thing called life. I have always said that Jesus is involved with all aspects of our life, but lately I seem to be believing it much more. I look at everything and all I can think of is how He is consistently loving me through these people and these things.

Sometimes it is so hard to let all of these thoughts wind down and go to sleep. I love thinking.

Forgetting I'd Heard It Before

After one of those nights were everything sucks and you feel emotionally drained due to the weight of everything I couldn't get this song out of my head that I am helping a friend write. It is based out of Romans 8. I have read Romans 8 many times throughout my life I am sure. I have heard the scriptures in Romans 8 probably A MILLION times. So I went and looked up the verses the song is based off of in the message translation and tried to read them as if I had never heard them before...as if this was the first time I had ever seen these words:

26-28Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

29-30God knew what he was doing from the very beginning. He decided from the outset to shape the lives of those who love him along the same lines as the life of his Son. The Son stands first in the line of humanity he restored. We see the original and intended shape of our lives there in him. After God made that decision of what his children should be like, he followed it up by calling people by name. After he called them by name, he set them on a solid basis with himself. And then, after getting them established, he stayed with them to the end, gloriously completing what he had begun.

31-39So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn't gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God's chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ's love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture:

They kill us in cold blood because they hate you.
We're sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one.
None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.

After I read that I cried.

Don't worry, you don't have to.

Facebook

For many a moon I determined not to fall into the facebook craze. Now I know that every man falls. I could talk about all the negatives to facebook, but we all know them deep in our hearts...so I'll reach to the positive:

FB reminds me of a blessed life that I have been able to lead. People told me I should get FB to keep up with old friends, but honestly I won't be keeping up with these people. I communicate with current friends around my area via FB. The greatest thing though is just being able to see these people's names and faces that I have not seen for years.

I'm reminded of small moments in high school where a girl named Brooke was so nice to me being the new kid in school for no other reason but that she is just nice to everybody.

I'm reminded of the summers that I was on staff for World Changers and small things like being at training and watching ludacris music videos w/ one of the tech guys. And I see one of the guys that was one of the other music leaders and now is in Iraq and his FB status is "I can't wait to get home"...I know that guy, or I did for a time. And though we haven't talked in over a year I still feel his heart and sympathize with him because I know the kind of guy he is.

Or random people I have met doing a weekend thing at some church somewhere and it reminds me of my story and how blessed I am to be able to ever do any of the stuff I have done over the last 6 years.

I'm trying to become more aware of the beauty of the moments that I live in. I once heard a very very bad preacher say something very good that stuck with me..."you only live in a moment called now".

I don't know how long I'll be able to do the things that I have the opportunity of doing right now. Making music, my friends, where I live could all change drastically in the next 6 years so I'm trying to be more encouraging and more understanding and more patient. I'm definitely failing at the patient thing right now because these spanish jehovahs witness people keep knocking on my door every week and I'm almost over it.

Thank you FB.